The Emotional Symptoms of PCOS
When people talk about PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), the conversation usually centers on periods, fertility, and physical symptoms. What gets left out, far too often, is the emotional weight it carries.
The Mental Health Side of PCOS
PCOS is a hormonal condition, and hormones don't just affect your body — they affect your brain. Women with PCOS experience higher rates of:
Anxiety and generalized worry
Depression
Mood swings that feel disconnected from anything happening around you
Body image struggles and self-esteem challenges
Frustration, grief, or anger tied to fertility concerns
These aren't a sign that you're "too sensitive" or not handling things well. They're a documented, physiological piece of what PCOS actually is.
Why This Gets Missed
PCOS is often treated purely as a reproductive or metabolic condition, which means the emotional impact frequently goes unaddressed in medical appointments. You might leave your doctor's office with a treatment plan for your cycle and no acknowledgment of the anxiety, the mood swings, or the toll it's taken on how you feel about your body.
That gap is where therapy becomes so valuable — not as a replacement for medical care, but as a complement to it.
The Body Image Piece
Many of the physical symptoms associated with PCOS — weight changes, acne, excess hair growth, hair thinning — directly affect body image and self-esteem. Living with a body that feels like it's working against you can chip away at your confidence over time, and that deserves real support, not just being told to "manage your symptoms."
How Therapy Helps
Working with a therapist who understands hormonal mental health means you don't have to explain from scratch why your anxiety spikes before your period, or why a diagnosis that's "just about hormones" has affected how you see yourself. Therapy can help you:
Understand the connection between your hormones and your mood
Build coping tools for the emotional swings tied to your cycle
Process grief or frustration related to fertility
Rebuild a more compassionate relationship with your body
If cycle-related mood shifts are a regular part of your experience, you might also find it helpful to start tracking your cycle alongside your mood — patterns often become clearer once you can see them laid out.
Your emotional symptoms are just as real, and just as worth treating, as your physical ones.
Tálor Hawkins specializes in hormonal mental health therapy. If PCOS or hormonal shifts have been affecting your mood or self-esteem, book a free consultation to talk about what support could look like.
Understanding Mom Rage
No one warns you about this one. You expected exhaustion. You expected tears. What you didn't expect was the surge of white-hot anger that comes out of nowhere — at your partner, at the dishes in the sink, at your baby's cry, at yourself for feeling this way at all.
This is often called "mom rage," and if you've experienced it, you are far from alone.
What Mom Rage Actually Is
Mom rage isn't a diagnosis — it's a symptom. It shows up as irritability, snapping, a short fuse, or sudden flashes of fury that feel disproportionate to what triggered them. For many women, it's one of the most disorienting parts of early motherhood, because it clashes so sharply with the tenderness they expected to feel.
Mom rage is often connected to:
Chronic sleep deprivation, which lowers your capacity to regulate emotion
Hormonal shifts in the weeks and months after birth
An overwhelming mental load with little relief
Unmet needs — for rest, for help, for time that's just yours
Underlying postpartum depression or anxiety, which can show up as irritability rather than sadness
Why It Feels So Shameful
Anger doesn't fit the cultural script of motherhood, so when it shows up, it often comes with a second wave of guilt on top of the anger itself. You might wonder what kind of mother gets this angry at her baby, her partner, or her life. The answer is: an exhausted, depleted, human one. Anger is a normal emotion, and it becomes more frequent and more intense under conditions of extreme depletion — which postpartum life often is.
When It's More Than Frustration
Occasional irritability is common in postpartum recovery. But if you notice:
Rage that feels out of your control
Anger that's followed by intrusive thoughts or intense guilt
Snapping at your baby or feeling frightened by your own reactions
Anger alongside sadness, anxiety, or numbness
these can be signs of postpartum depression or anxiety presenting as irritability rather than the more commonly discussed sadness. This is treatable, and naming it is the first step.
What Can Help
Therapy for postpartum mental health can help you understand what's driving the anger, build tools to regulate it in the moment, and address the underlying depletion or trauma feeding it. If your anger is tangled up with a difficult delivery or a birth experience that still feels unresolved, it's also worth exploring whether unprocessed birth trauma is part of what's underneath it — EMDR therapy can be especially effective there.
You're not a bad mother for feeling this. You're a mother who needs more support than you're currently getting — and that's something that can change.
Tálor Hawkins specializes in postpartum mental health. If mom rage, anxiety, or overwhelm has been part of your postpartum experience, book a free consultation to talk through what support could look like.
When Your Birth Didn't Go as Planned: Processing Medical Trauma After Childbirth
Not every birth story is the one a mother imagined. An emergency C-section. A provider who dismissed her pain. A delivery that spiraled into something frightening in a matter of minutes. A baby rushed to the NICU before she'd even held them.
These experiences can leave a mark long after the physical recovery is finished — and for many women, that mark looks a lot like trauma.
Why a "Normal" Recovery Can Still Feel Traumatic
Birth trauma isn't only about what happened medically. It's also about how it felt: out of control, unheard, unsafe, or alone in a moment when you needed to feel the opposite. Two women can go through the same medical event — say, an emergency C-section — and come out with very different emotional aftermaths, depending on how supported, informed, and in control they felt throughout.
Signs that a birth experience may have left lasting trauma include:
- Intrusive memories or flashbacks to the delivery
- Avoiding anything that reminds you of the birth — the hospital, certain smells, even your own birth story
- Feeling on edge, easily startled, or unable to relax around your baby
- A persistent sense that something is wrong, even once you and your baby are medically fine
- Nightmares related to the delivery
- Anger, grief, or numbness that doesn't seem to fade
If any of this sounds familiar, what you're carrying has a name — and it's treatable.
How EMDR Helps With Birth Trauma
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is one of the most effective therapies for trauma, including trauma from childbirth. Rather than asking you to relive and narrate every detail of what happened, EMDR helps your brain reprocess the memory so it stops feeling like it's happening right now.
For birth trauma specifically, this often means the memory of the delivery — the fear, the chaos, the feeling of powerlessness — becomes something you can recall without your body reacting as though it's still in danger. Many women describe feeling, for the first time since giving birth, like the experience is actually in the past.
EMDR can help whether the trauma came from a medical complication, a birth that didn't go as planned, or a provider who made you feel dismissed or unsafe during one of the most vulnerable moments of your life.
Was It a Medical Error? That's a Separate Question From Healing
Sometimes birth trauma is tied to an actual medical mistake — a delayed response, a missed complication, an error in care. If you believe that happened to you, an attorney can advise you on whether you have legal options; Kennedy, Johnson, Schwab & Roberge's guide covers that side of the process in more detail.
But it's worth naming clearly: the legal question and the healing question are separate, and you don't need one resolved to begin the other. Whether or not a case ever gets filed, what you experienced emotionally is real and deserves care in its own right.
You Don't Have to Carry This Alone
If your birth left you feeling like a different person than you were before — more anxious, more on-guard, more disconnected — that's not something you have to just live with. Trauma-focused therapy, including EMDR, can help you process what happened and feel like yourself again.
Tálor Hawkins specializes in EMDR therapy for birth trauma and postpartum mental health. If your birth experience is still affecting you, book a free consultation to talk about what support could look like.
Self-Care for Women Who Carry Too MuchResponsibility
If you’re the person everyone calls first, self-care probably sounds like a joke someone tells
to people with more time than you have.
You’re the one who remembers what everyone else forgot. Who holds the schedule, the
appointments, the emotional temperature of the whole household. And the way self-care
usually gets sold — a spa day, a candle, an hour you don’t have — doesn’t just miss the
point. It adds one more thing to feel behind on.
The reality is, the problem was never that you don’t care about yourself. It’s that you’ve
been operating like your needs are the flexible ones. The ones that get moved, postponed,
quietly dropped when something else demands attention. And something else is always
demanding attention when you’re the one everyone relies on.
That’s not a character flaw. It’s what happens to anyone who’s been the responsible one for
long enough. The pattern makes sense. It’s also not sustainable.
Real self-care, for a woman carrying this much, usually isn’t a grand gesture. It’s smaller
than that. Saying no without over-explaining why. Letting a task stay undone without
treating it as a personal failure. Asking for help before you’re already at your limit, not after.
Ten unscheduled minutes that belong to no one but you. Noticing when you’re operating
from obligation instead of choice, and asking yourself whether that has to be true right now.
None of it requires more hours in your day. It requires deciding that your own capacity is not
the one resource allowed to run on empty indefinitely.
When will you choose you?
The people who depend on you don’t actually need you endlessly available. They need you
still here — steady, present, not running on fumes — in six months and in six years.
Depleting yourself in service of everyone else isn’t sustainable generosity. It’s a slow
withdrawal from a well that isn’t refilling.
Taking care of yourself isn’t the thing you do once everyone else is fine. It’s part of what
keeps everyone else fine in the first place. Including you.
Many of the women I work with genuinely don’t know what they need anymore, because
they haven’t checked in with themselves in years. That’s not something to be ashamed of.
It’s just where you are, and it’s a reasonable place to start from. Read more about what working together looks like here.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation — a good place to
begin remembering.
Recovering After Birth: Why Your Body and Your Mind Heal on Different Timelines
This post is for general informational purposes and isn't a substitute for individualized medical, legal, or mental health advice.
The first weeks after giving birth are often described in physical terms — bleeding, soreness, incisions, exhaustion. And those things are real. Your body has just done something enormous, and it needs real time to recover, often six to eight weeks or more depending on your delivery.
But there's a second recovery happening at the same time, one that doesn't always get the same attention: your mental and emotional healing.
Two Timelines, One Body
It's easy to assume that once the physical symptoms fade — the bleeding stops, the incision closes, the soreness eases — you should feel "back to normal." But emotional recovery doesn't follow the same schedule as physical recovery. You can be fully healed on the outside and still feel anxious, foggy, disconnected, or unlike yourself on the inside. Neither timeline is wrong. They're just different, and both deserve support.
This is part of why postpartum mental health symptoms are so often missed. A six-week checkup tends to focus on physical healing — how a scar is closing, whether bleeding has stopped — while emotional symptoms like intrusive thoughts, persistent worry, or a flattened sense of joy can go unasked about entirely.
What to Watch For
Some emotional ups and downs in the first couple of weeks are expected — often called the "baby blues." But if low mood, anxiety, irritability, or a sense of disconnection lasts longer than two weeks, or feels like it's getting heavier instead of lighter, that's worth paying attention to. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means your nervous system may need more support than it's currently getting.
Knowing Which Kind of Support You Need
Part of navigating postpartum recovery is knowing who to turn to for what. My role is to support your mental and emotional recovery — the anxiety, the mood shifts, the sense of not feeling like yourself. That's my scope, and it's where I can genuinely help.
But physical recovery is its own track, with its own set of questions: what's a normal amount of pain versus what's not, and whether something that happened during birth may have gone beyond normal complications into an actual error in your care.
That last question isn't something I'm positioned to answer, and nothing here is legal advice. But it's worth knowing the general signs that a symptom may be more than "just part of recovery." Warning signs like unusually heavy bleeding, a high fever, severe or worsening pain, vision changes, sudden swelling, or trouble breathing can sometimes point to a missed or delayed response from your care team rather than a normal part of healing. If any of these showed up for you and you walked away sensing that something wasn't handled right, that instinct is worth taking seriously.
If that's where you are, Kennedy, Johnson, Schwab & Roberge's guide, What to Expect After Giving Birth, walks through this in more detail — including a physical recovery timeline and guidance on when it may be appropriate to speak with a birth injury attorney. If part of your birth still doesn't sit right with you, reaching out to their team is a reasonable next step — separate from, and alongside, the emotional work we'd do together.
You Don't Have to Sort This Out Alone
Whether your recovery has felt smooth or has thrown you curveballs, you deserve support for both sides of healing — the physical and the emotional. If you're noticing that the emotional weight isn't lifting the way you expected, that's not a sign of failure. It's a sign it's time to talk to someone.
If you're in the postpartum period and finding that your mood, anxiety, or overall sense of self isn't returning to baseline, reach out. Support is available, and you don't have to wait until things feel unbearable to ask for it.
Schedule a consultation to talk through what you're experiencing — no pressure, just a conversation about what support could look like for you.
High-Functioning Anxiety in Women
From the outside, she has it together.
She shows up early. Remembers everyone’s birthday. Her house is clean, her emails are
answered, her kids are dressed and fed and on time. Nobody looking at her would guess
that underneath all of it, her chest is tight, her mind won’t stop running lists, and she hasn’t
felt fully settled in longer than she can remember.
That’s high-functioning anxiety. It’s one of the most common things I see in my practice,
and one of the hardest for women to name, because it doesn’t look like what anxiety is
supposed to look like.
The reality is, we picture anxiety as visible. Panic. Avoidance. Someone who can’t leave the
house. High-functioning anxiety doesn’t look like that. It looks like competence. It looks like
being the reliable one, the organized one, the one everyone else leans on. The anxiety gets
channeled into productivity instead of into anything anyone else can see.
Which is exactly what makes it easy to miss. If your anxiety is fueling your achievement, it’s
easy to mistake it for a personality trait — I’m just a planner, I’m just detail-oriented —
instead of recognizing it as a nervous system working overtime just to feel okay.
A running mental checklist that never fully clears, even at rest. Difficulty accepting anything
less than done perfectly, because good enough doesn’t feel safe. A body that stays tense
even when nothing is actively wrong. Trouble sitting still without guilt creeping in.
Overpreparing for things that don’t call for it. A sense that if you stop moving, something
will fall apart.
None of that is weakness. It’s a nervous system that learned, somewhere along the way, that
staying one step ahead was the only way to feel in control.
The hardest part is that it rarely gets acknowledged — by other people, and often not by the
woman living with it either. Because everything appears to be working, there’s no external
pressure to address it. But appearing fine and feeling fine are not the same thing, and the
gap between them tends to widen, not close, on its own.
Real support here isn’t about doing less. It’s about learning what your body actually feels
like at rest, not just paused between tasks. It’s about examining where the drive to hold
everything together came from, and whether it’s still serving you the way it once did.
If this is your version of anxiety, the kind nobody else can see, you don’t have to keepmanaging it alone just because you’re good at managing everything else.
Learn more about how I work with anxiety here.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation and let’s talk
about what’s actually underneath the checklist.
Why Do I Feel Like A Different Person Before My Period?
“I don’t understand what happened to me this week. I wasn’t myself.”
I hear some version of this almost every month. And almost every time, my first question is
the same — where are you in your cycle? Nine times out of ten, the answer is the same too.
The week before her period.
The reality is, that shift is real. It’s not just that your mood changes. It’s that the change can
feel like it’s coming from someone else entirely. The patient version of you disappears. The
easygoing version of you disappears. In her place is someone more reactive, more raw, more
exhausted by things that didn’t used to touch her at all.
You’re not imagining it. You’re not too much. In the luteal phase, estrogen and progesterone
both drop, and for some women that drop hits the brain’s mood-regulating systems hard.
Your brain chemistry is genuinely different for part of the month than it is for the rest of it.
“You’re just PMSing” gets said like it explains something. It doesn’t. It just closes the
conversation. For some women this isn’t a mild dip — it’s a real, cyclical shift in mood and
energy and tolerance that deserves to be understood, not brushed off.
One of the most useful things I ask the women I work with to do is simply start tracking. Not
obsessively. Just noticing, in a general way, how they feel across the month. Most people
are stunned once they see the pattern written down. The irritability that felt random turns
out to arrive like clockwork. The days you feel most like yourself turn out to cluster in the
same phase every time.
That awareness doesn’t fix anything on its own. But it changes the relationship. Instead of
being blindsided by what’s wrong with me this week, you start to expect it. Plan around it.
Extend yourself grace before you even get there.
When will you choose to believe yourself instead of dismissing what your own body is telling
you?
For some women this monthly shift goes beyond irritability — persistent sadness, anxiety
that feels disproportionate, days that feel genuinely hard to get through. If that’s you, it’s
worth exploring whether something like PMDD is part of the picture, and what support could
actually look like.
Learn more about hormonal mental health support here.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation — I’d like to hear
what your pattern actually looks like.
Why Do I Feel So Angry After Having A Baby?
“I love this baby more than anything. And I want to scream.”
Both of those are true at the same time, and nobody warned me that could be possible
if/when I wanted to prepare for a child of my own. Nobody warns most of the moms I sit with either. We’re told to expect the sadness, the tears, the overwhelm. Nobody tells you about the rage. The kind that shows up hot and fast
over something small — a partner asking what’s for dinner, a diaper leaking for the third
time, the baby crying the exact second you finally sit down — and then the guilt right behind
it, because how dare you feel that toward the person you’d do anything for.
The reality is, your body has never carried this kind of depletion before. Not like this.
The anger isn’t who you are. It’s the state you’re in. Sleep-deprived in a way that would be a
human rights violation anywhere else. Hormones in freefall. Touched constantly, needed
constantly, rarely asked how you’re actually doing. Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s
overloaded. And anger is often what a nervous system reaches for when it’s been asked to
hold too much for too long without relief.
I want to be careful here, because I know how frightening it can feel to notice real anger
toward the people you love most. That fear is common. It doesn’t mean something is wrong
with you as a mother.
What I ask the women I work with to get curious about is what the anger is actually
protecting. It’s rarely about the small thing that set it off. It’s about everything underneath —
an uneven load, a lack of support, a body that hasn’t been given a real chance to heal, an
identity that got flattened the second “mom” became the only role anyone could see.
Naming it out loud, without editing it into something smaller and more acceptable. Looking
honestly at where support is actually missing, not what you’re supposed to be able to
handle. Understanding that anger and love aren’t opposites — feeling one doesn’t cancel
the other. Getting real rest, not just sleep when the baby sleeps, but recovery that isn’t also
a to-do list.
If the anger has started to scare you, or it feels bigger than you know how to hold alone,
that’s not failure. That’s a sign you deserve support built for this exact season, not generic
advice to relax. Read more about postpartum support here.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation if you’re ready to
talk it through.
If your anger ever moves toward thoughts of harming yourself, your baby, or someone else,
please reach out immediately — call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.
Thirty-One: Learning to Build a Life That Honors My Body
Today, I turned 31.
Birthdays always make me reflective, but this one feels different.
As I’ve been thinking about this past year, I keep asking myself, “What have I actually learned?” And the more I sit with that question, the more I realize that every lesson seems to point me back to the same place.
My body.
If you had asked me a few years ago what healing looked like, I probably would’ve said fixing my PCOS, getting my hormones under control, feeling less anxious, or finally getting rid of the symptoms that made me feel like my body wasn’t doing what it was “supposed” to do.
But somewhere along the way, something shifted.
Instead of asking, “How do I fix my body?” I started asking, “What is my body trying to tell me?”
That question has changed everything.
It’s led me to learn more deeply about my hormones, my menstrual cycle, and my nervous system. It’s challenged me to stop viewing my body as something that needs to be controlled and start seeing her as something that deserves to be understood.
I’m realizing that my body has never been working against me.
She’s been communicating with me all along.
One of the most unexpected teachers this year has been pottery.
When I first signed up, I thought I was just trying a new hobby. I wanted something creative. Something that got me away from a screen.
I didn’t expect it to become one of the places where I feel most present.
There’s something about sitting at the wheel that quiets my mind.
When my hands are on the clay, I can’t think about my inbox, tomorrow’s schedule, or the next goal I’m trying to accomplish. The clay has a way of bringing me back to what’s happening right now.
And if I’m distracted, it lets me know.
If I’m rushing, it lets me know.
If I’m trying to force it, it lets me know.
It doesn’t respond to pressure.
It responds to presence.
The more I’ve worked with clay, the more I’ve realized that maybe my body has been asking for the same thing.
Not to be forced.
Not to constantly perform.
Not to be pushed past her capacity.
But to be listened to.
Pottery has become one of the few places where my nervous system completely exhales.
It reminds me that slowing down isn’t wasting time.
It’s making space to notice.
And honestly, I think that’s been one of the greatest gifts of this year.
Learning what my nervous system actually needs.
Not what productivity tells me I should need.
Not what hustle culture celebrates.
But what allows me to feel grounded, connected, and fully present.
Sometimes my nervous system needs rest.
Sometimes it needs creativity.
Sometimes it needs movement.
Sometimes it needs quiet.
Sometimes it simply needs permission to do one thing at a time.
As I’ve been building my therapy practice, I’ve realized this lesson applies there, too.
For so long, I believed success meant working harder, producing more, and constantly thinking about the next milestone.
Now, I’m asking different questions.
What would it look like to build a business that honors my nervous system?
What if I created from a place of regulation instead of chronic stress?
What if I trusted that slowing down could actually make me a better therapist?
A better partner.
A better friend.
A more present version of myself.
Because the truth is, I don’t want to build a beautiful business if it requires abandoning the very body that’s carrying me through it.
I don’t want a life that looks successful on the outside while my nervous system is quietly begging me to slow down.
I’m beginning to believe that healing isn’t just about understanding our hormones.
It’s about learning to build our lives around our nervous systems instead of expecting our nervous systems to constantly adapt to the lives we’ve built.
That feels like one of the biggest realizations I’ve had this year.
And maybe that’s what turning 31 means for me.
Not having everything figured out.
But trusting myself enough to keep listening.
Listening to my body.
Listening to my cycle.
Listening to my nervous system.
Listening to the quiet places where creativity lives.
Because every time I do, I become a little more myself.
So here’s to 31.
To building a life that feels good to live—not just one that looks good from the outside.
To creating without rushing.
To resting without guilt.
To honoring my body instead of fighting it.
To trusting that presence may be one of the most productive things I’ve ever learned.
To continuing to build a life, a business, and a future that my nervous system doesn’t have to recover from.
Happy Birthday to me. 🤍
And Happy Birthday to all of my fellow Cancers. 🦀 May this next year invite us to soften where we’ve been taught to harden, to trust ourselves a little more deeply, and to continue building lives that honor who we are—not just what we can produce.
Here’s to another year of growing, healing, creating, and coming home to ourselves.
Building a Relationship With Yourself Before Everyone Else
“I don’t actually know myself that well. Not the version of me that exists underneath everyone else’s needs.”
That’s a hard thing to admit, and it’s something I hear from almost every woman who sits across from me. Not “I don’t like myself” — something quieter and more unsettling than that. I don’t know what I actually want anymore. I don’t know what I need. I’ve been so busy being what everyone else needs me to be that I lost track of the relationship that was supposed to come first.
The reality is, we treat relationships with ourselves as the one that can wait. The partner gets attention. The kids get attention. The job, the friends, the family that calls when they need something — all of it gets tended to first, because it’s loud, because it’s immediate, because saying no to a person in front of you feels harder than saying no to yourself. You are always available to yourself, so you become the one thing that never gets scheduled.
I want to be honest about something. This isn’t really about bubble baths or an hour alone, even though that’s how self-care usually gets marketed. It’s about something underneath that — do you actually know what you think, separate from what everyone around you needs you to think? Do you know what you want for dinner before you ask what everyone else wants? Do you know how you feel before you check how everyone else is feeling first?
If the answer is no, or you’re not sure, that’s not a character flaw. It’s what happens when you’ve spent years being fluent in everyone else’s needs and never got the same practice with your own.
When was the last time you asked yourself what you needed, and actually waited for the answer instead of moving straight to what everyone else needed?
Building a relationship with yourself looks a lot like building any other relationship. It takes attention. It takes actually noticing — not deciding in advance what you’ll find, just noticing. It takes time that isn’t productive, time that doesn’t accomplish anything except letting you hear yourself again. It takes tolerating the discomfort of putting yourself first sometimes, even when everything in you wants to reflexively check on everyone else instead.
This isn’t selfish. I know it can feel that way, especially if you’ve spent your whole life being told the opposite. But you cannot offer people a version of you that you don’t have a relationship with yourself. Everyone around you is receiving whatever is left over from a woman who hasn’t checked in with herself in years. That’s not sustainable for you, and it’s not actually what the people who love you want either.
You are allowed to be the first relationship you invest in. Not the last one. Not the one you get to eventually, once everyone else is taken care of.
If you don’t know where to start, that’s a completely reasonable place to begin from — with someone who can help you get reacquainted with yourself instead of doing it alone. You can read more about what working together looks like here.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation — sometimes the relationship starts with one honest conversation.
Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression: How to Tell the Difference
“Is this normal, or is this something more?”
I get asked some version of that question constantly in the first few weeks after a client has a baby. And it’s a fair question, because the early days of motherhood are supposed to feel a little unstable. Nobody warns you how hard it can be to tell the difference between what’s expected and what actually needs attention.
The reality is, there is a real difference. And knowing it matters.
Baby blues show up for most new mothers — some studies say up to 80 percent. Weepiness that comes out of nowhere. Mood swings. Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, a little raw. It usually starts within the first few days after birth and fades on its own within two weeks, as your hormones start to settle and your body starts to recover.
Postpartum depression is different. Not worse baby blues. A different thing entirely.
It doesn’t fade in two weeks. It can start anytime in the first year, not just right after birth. It’s heavier — persistent sadness, loss of interest in things that used to matter, feeling disconnected from your baby or from yourself, difficulty sleeping even when you have the chance, feeling hopeless or like you’re failing at something you can’t name. Sometimes it looks like numbness more than sadness. Sometimes it looks like irritability instead of tears. It doesn’t always look the way you’d expect depression to look.
Here’s what I want you to hear: if it’s been more than two weeks and it isn’t lifting, that’s information, not a failure. If it feels like it’s getting heavier instead of lighter, that’s information too. You don’t have to wait until it’s unbearable to ask for help. You don’t have to be sure it’s “bad enough” first.
So many of the mothers I sit with waited months, because they thought they were supposed to push through, because they didn’t want to seem like they couldn’t handle it, because everyone kept telling them it would pass. Some of it did pass. Some of it didn’t, and it didn’t need to go on as long as it did.
When will you let yourself ask the question instead of just wondering it alone?
If you’re not sure which one you’re in, that uncertainty is reason enough to talk to someone. You don’t need a diagnosis in hand before you reach out. Read more about postpartum support here.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation — we can figure out what you’re actually carrying together.
If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, please reach out immediately — call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.
Perimenopause and Mental Health: The Hormonal Shift Nobody Prepares You For
Nobody sat me down and told my clients this either. Perimenopause can start showing up in your late 30s or 40s, years before your period actually stops, and almost nobody tells you what it does to your mind, not just your body.
The reality is, most of the conversation around perimenopause is about hot flashes and irregular cycles. Almost none of it is about what’s happening upstairs. Anxiety that wasn’t there before. Mood swings sharper than anything you dealt with in your twenties. Brain fog that makes you doubt your own competence. Rage that shows up faster than it used to, over things that never used to touch you. Sleep that falls apart, which makes everything else fall apart with it.
I’ve had women tell me they thought they were losing their minds. They weren’t. Their hormones were doing exactly what hormones in transition do — fluctuating unpredictably, sometimes swinging harder than they did even during puberty, because this time the shift isn’t building toward something, it’s winding down, and your brain has to recalibrate to a completely different hormonal environment.
Estrogen doesn’t decline in perimenopause the way people assume. It doesn’t taper gently. It swings, sometimes wildly, for years before it settles. And estrogen has a direct relationship with serotonin, the neurotransmitter most tied to mood regulation. When estrogen is unstable, mood regulation becomes unstable right along with it. That’s not a metaphor. That’s neurochemistry.
Why does nobody talk about this part?
Because we’ve built an entire cultural conversation around perimenopause that centers what’s visible and leaves out what isn’t. Hot flashes get talked about. Rage that scares you, anxiety that wakes you up at 3am, a sense that you don’t recognize your own emotional responses anymore — that part gets carried quietly, often misdiagnosed as a mental health issue unrelated to hormones at all, or dismissed entirely.
If you’re in your late 30s or 40s and something about your mental health has shifted in a way you can’t quite explain, it’s worth asking whether perimenopause is part of the picture, even if your cycle still looks “normal” on paper. You don’t have to be in full menopause for this to be hormonal.
You are not losing your mind. Your hormones are in transition, and your mental health deserves support that actually understands that connection instead of treating it as a separate problem. Learn more about hormonal mental health support here.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation — let’s talk about what’s actually going on underneath it.
Why You Can’t Relax Even When Nothing Is Wrong
Have you ever noticed that everything is actually okay, but your body doesn’t seem to know it?
Maybe work is going well. Your relationship feels steady. The bills are paid. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s moving in the right direction. Yet somehow, you still feel tense. Your mind keeps looking for the next thing to solve. You tell yourself, “Once I get through this, then I’ll relax.” But there always seems to be another “this.”
I work with a lot of women who experience this, and one of the first things I want them to know is this:
You’re not doing anything wrong.
Sometimes we don’t realize just how much our hormones and nervous system influence our ability to actually feel at ease.
We tend to think relaxation is a choice. Like if we just told ourselves to calm down, we’d magically feel better. But our bodies don’t always work that way.
Your body can know something your mind hasn’t caught up to—or sometimes your mind knows you’re safe, but your body is still carrying stress.
That’s why you can be lying in bed with nothing left to do, and somehow your brain is making tomorrow’s to-do list. Or you finally have a quiet moment, and instead of feeling peaceful, you feel… restless.
I wonder how many women have mistaken this for simply “being an anxious person,” when in reality their body has been asking for support all along.
Our hormones influence so much more than our menstrual cycle. They affect our mood, our sleep, our energy, our stress response, and even how safe our nervous system feels.
For some women, this becomes more noticeable before their period. Others notice it during fertility treatments, postpartum, perimenopause, or while living with conditions like PCOS or endometriosis.
Sometimes the thought isn’t, “Something bad is happening.”
Sometimes it’s simply a body that can’t seem to let its guard down.
And if you’ve lived through seasons where you had to hold everything together—whether that’s chronic stress, burnout, grief, medical challenges, or always being the strong one—your nervous system may have learned that staying alert is how you stay safe.
That doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
It means your body adapted.
The beautiful thing about our nervous system is that it can learn something new.
It can learn what safety feels like.
Sometimes that looks like getting enough sleep. Sometimes it’s nourishing your body consistently. Sometimes it’s slowing down enough to notice where you’re carrying tension. Sometimes it’s learning your hormonal patterns instead of fighting them.
And sometimes it means allowing yourself to receive support instead of believing you have to carry everything on your own.
If you’ve been wondering why you can’t seem to relax, even when life is going well, I hope this gives you permission to become curious instead of critical.
Your body isn’t trying to make life harder.
It’s communicating with you.
The more we learn to listen to it with compassion instead of frustration, the more we create space for healing—not because we’ve forced ourselves to relax, but because our body has finally begun to believe it’s safe enough to.
You Don’t Have to Figure It Out Alone
If this resonated with you, know that you don’t have to keep navigating it by yourself.
As a therapist specializing in women’s hormonal and reproductive mental health, I help women understand the connection between their hormones, nervous system, and emotional well-being. Together, we explore what’s happening beneath the surface so you can stop feeling like you’re constantly in survival mode and begin creating a greater sense of calm and safety in your body.
Healing isn’t about “just relaxing.” It’s about understanding your body with compassion and giving it what it truly needs.
If you’re ready to take that next step, I’d love to support you.
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation today and let’s explore whether we’re a good fit to work together.
PMDD vs. PMS: What’s the Difference?
Have you ever found yourself wondering whether what you’re experiencing before your period is “normal” PMS or something more? You’re not alone.
Many women notice changes in their mood, energy, and physical health during the days leading up to their period. While some symptoms are a common part of the menstrual cycle, others can become so severe that they affect work, relationships, and everyday life.
Understanding the difference between Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is an important step toward recognizing when it’s time to seek support. Although the two conditions share similar timing and some overlapping symptoms, they differ greatly in their severity and impact on daily functioning.
What Is PMS?
Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) is a collection of physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms that occur during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle—the time between ovulation and the start of your period. These symptoms are triggered by the body’s natural hormonal fluctuations and typically improve once menstruation begins.
PMS is incredibly common, affecting up to 75% of menstruating women during their reproductive years. For most women, symptoms are mild to moderate. While they can be uncomfortable and frustrating, they generally do not significantly interfere with daily life.
Common PMS Symptoms
Women with PMS may experience:
Mild mood swings
Irritability
Feeling more emotional
Breast tenderness
Bloating
Headaches
Fatigue
Food cravings
Mild anxiety
Difficulty concentrating
Changes in sleep
Although PMS may make you feel “off” before your period, most women are still able to work, care for their families, maintain relationships, and carry out their daily responsibilities.
What Is PMDD?
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is much more than severe PMS. It is a serious, cyclical mood disorder that occurs during the same phase of the menstrual cycle but causes significantly more intense emotional symptoms.
PMDD is recognized as a diagnosable mental health condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Research suggests that women with PMDD generally have normal hormone levels, but their brains are more sensitive to the natural hormonal changes that occur after ovulation. These hormonal fluctuations can affect neurotransmitters such as serotonin and GABA, contributing to severe changes in mood, anxiety, and emotional regulation.
Common PMDD Symptoms
Women with PMDD may experience:
Intense anxiety
Severe depression
Feelings of hopelessness
Frequent crying spells
Extreme irritability or anger
Mood swings that feel difficult to control
Panic attacks
Feeling overwhelmed
Difficulty concentrating
Fatigue
Changes in sleep
Appetite changes
Social withdrawal
Relationship conflict
Physical symptoms such as bloating, headaches, breast tenderness, or joint pain
PMDD symptoms typically begin one to two weeks before menstruation, peak during the late luteal phase, improve within a few days after the period begins, and largely disappear between menstrual cycles.
So, What’s the Difference Between PMS and PMDD?
While PMS and PMDD occur during the same phase of the menstrual cycle and share some overlapping symptoms, the severity and impact on daily life are what truly set them apart.
PMS usually causes discomfort that is noticeable but manageable. You may feel more emotional, tired, bloated, or irritable than usual, but you’re generally still able to function in your everyday life.
PMDD, however, goes beyond discomfort. The emotional symptoms can become so intense that they interfere with work, school, relationships, parenting, and everyday responsibilities. Many women with PMDD describe feeling like a completely different person during the week or two before their period. Once menstruation begins, those symptoms often improve dramatically, leaving them wondering why they felt so unlike themselves.
One of the defining characteristics of PMDD is that the symptoms are cyclical. They consistently appear after ovulation, resolve shortly after menstruation starts, and are largely absent during the rest of the menstrual cycle. This predictable pattern helps distinguish PMDD from many other mental health conditions, although it’s also possible to experience PMDD alongside anxiety or depression.
Simply put, PMS can make the days before your period feel uncomfortable, while PMDD can make them feel overwhelming.
Why PMDD Is Often Misunderstood
Many women are told that what they’re experiencing is “just PMS” or that they simply need to “deal with it.” Unfortunately, these messages can delay diagnosis and treatment for years.
PMDD is not about being overly emotional, dramatic, or weak. It is a legitimate mental health condition that deserves the same level of care and attention as any other mood disorder.
Recognizing that your symptoms follow a predictable pattern each month can be one of the first clues that something more than PMS may be occurring.
How Hormones Affect Mental Health
Hormones play an important role in regulating mood, sleep, stress, and emotional well-being.
After ovulation, levels of estrogen and progesterone naturally fluctuate as your body prepares for a possible pregnancy. For many women, these hormonal shifts cause only mild symptoms. However, for women with PMDD, the brain appears to respond differently to these normal hormonal changes.
These fluctuations can influence neurotransmitters like serotonin and GABA, which help regulate mood, anxiety, emotional resilience, and sleep. This is one reason why some women experience significant emotional symptoms even though their hormone levels themselves are considered normal.
Understanding this connection can help reduce self-blame and remind women that their experiences have a real biological basis.
When Should You Seek Help?
Consider reaching out to a healthcare provider or mental health professional if:
Your mood changes occur consistently before your period every month.
Anxiety or depression becomes significantly worse during the luteal phase.
Symptoms interfere with work, school, or relationships.
You feel like you’re “not yourself” before your period.
You experience intense hopelessness, rage, or emotional distress.
Your symptoms improve shortly after your period begins and return again after ovulation.
If you experience thoughts of harming yourself or feel unable to keep yourself safe, seek immediate support by calling 988 or your local emergency services.
Track Your Symptoms
If you suspect you may have PMS or PMDD, tracking your symptoms over at least two menstrual cycles can provide valuable information.
Consider keeping track of:
Your menstrual cycle dates
Mood changes
Anxiety levels
Sleep quality
Energy levels
Physical symptoms
Stress levels
Significant life events
Identifying patterns can help you and your healthcare provider better understand what’s happening and determine the most appropriate treatment options.
Treatment Options
Both PMS and PMDD can improve with the right support, although treatment looks different for every woman.
Treatment may include:
Individual therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Nervous system regulation techniques
Regular physical activity
Prioritizing sleep
Nutrition and lifestyle changes
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)
Hormonal treatment options discussed with your healthcare provider
Because every woman’s experience is unique, treatment should be individualized based on your symptoms, medical history, and personal goals.
You Don’t Have to Suffer Every Month
Every woman experiences hormonal changes throughout her menstrual cycle, but no woman should have to suffer through symptoms that significantly affect her mental health or quality of life.
Whether you’re living with PMS, PMDD, or simply wondering why you feel different before your period, know that your experiences are valid. Understanding the connection between your hormones and mental health can be the first step toward feeling more like yourself again.
Support is available, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Looking for PMDD or Hormonal Mental Health Therapy in Lancaster, CA?
If you’re struggling with PMDD, PMS, anxiety, PCOS, fertility concerns, pregnancy, postpartum changes, or other hormone-related mental health challenges, therapy can help you better understand your symptoms and develop strategies that support both your emotional well-being and nervous system.
As a therapist specializing in women’s mental health, I provide compassionate, evidence-based care for women across California through virtual therapy.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I’d love to support you.
Schedule a consultation today to learn more about working together.
What Does Postpartum Depression Look Like?
When most people think about postpartum depression, they often imagine a new mom who is crying all the time, struggling to bond with her baby, or unable to get out of bed.
While those experiences can absolutely be part of postpartum depression, the reality is often much more nuanced.
In fact, many women experiencing postpartum depression are still showing up every day. They’re feeding their baby, attending appointments, answering texts, going back to work, and doing everything they can to hold it all together.
From the outside, they may appear “fine.”
On the inside, they’re drowning.
Postpartum Depression Isn’t Just Sadness
One of the biggest misconceptions about postpartum depression is that it always looks like sadness.
Sometimes it looks like:
Feeling emotionally numb
Irritability or anger that seems to come out of nowhere
Constant guilt
Feeling disconnected from yourself
Anxiety that never turns off
Difficulty sleeping, even when the baby is sleeping
Feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks
Wondering if you’re a “good enough” mother
Mourning the version of yourself that existed before motherhood
Many women tell me:
“I love my baby, but I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
And often, that statement is accompanied by shame.
The Silent Struggle of High-Functioning Mothers
What I often see is women who are doing everything they’re “supposed” to be doing, yet they’re carrying an invisible weight.
They’re researching every feeding decision.
They’re trying to be present for their partner.
They’re balancing work responsibilities.
They’re managing household tasks.
They’re attempting to recover physically.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that, their own emotional needs get pushed aside.
Because society often tells mothers to focus on everyone else first.
The problem is that when a woman spends months pouring from an empty cup, eventually her mind and body begin asking for attention.
“I Thought I Would Be Happier”
This is one of the most heartbreaking statements I hear.
Many women spend years dreaming about becoming mothers.
Some have endured infertility, IVF, pregnancy loss, or complicated pregnancies to get there.
So when postpartum depression shows up, it can feel confusing.
You finally have the thing you wanted so deeply.
Why don’t you feel happy?
The truth is that gratitude and struggle can exist at the same time.
You can deeply love your baby and still be having a hard time.
You can be grateful for motherhood and still miss parts of your old life.
You can feel joy and grief simultaneously.
These experiences do not cancel each other out.
When It’s More Than the “Baby Blues”
The baby blues are common during the first couple of weeks after delivery and are often related to hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the massive life transition that has occurred.
Postpartum depression tends to be more persistent.
Symptoms may last for weeks or months and can begin anytime during the first year postpartum.
If you’re noticing that your mood, anxiety, energy, or ability to function feels significantly different from your normal self, it’s worth paying attention to.
You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis to seek support.
You Deserve Support Too
One of the things I wish more women understood is that motherhood was never meant to be navigated alone.
Support is not a sign that you’re failing.
Support is often what helps women reconnect with themselves during one of the most transformative seasons of life.
Whether you’re struggling with postpartum depression, anxiety, identity shifts, relationship changes, fertility challenges, or the emotional weight of becoming a parent, you deserve a space where your experience can be held with compassion.
Because caring for a baby is important.
But caring for the mother matters too.
If you’ve been feeling unlike yourself since having your baby, know that you’re not alone—and you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. Healing begins when we make space to acknowledge what we’re truly experiencing, rather than what we think we should be feeling.
Take a look here at the support we have for you!
A Year of Self-Care Through Women’s Life Stages
Self-Care Isn’t Just Bubble Baths: What It Actually Looks Like When You’re Overwhelmed
June Issue
As a therapist, I’ve learned a lot about self-care.
To be honest, sometimes I get a little annoyed when people say, “Just do some self-care and you’ll feel better.”
What does that even mean when you are overwhelmed?
What if your mind will not stop racing? What if your schedule is packed from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed? What if you’re caring for children, supporting a partner, showing up for friends, working, studying, and trying to keep everything together?
Sometimes self-care does not look like a bubble bath.
Sometimes it looks like surviving the day.
Over the years, I have learned that when I am overwhelmed, the most healing forms of self-care are often the simplest ones.
1. Acknowledge That You Are Overwhelmed
This sounds obvious, but many of us skip this step. Then we get upset because we want others to see us and we struggle to acknowledge what we need in the first place.
So, we keep pushing. We keep producing. We keep telling ourselves we are fine.
On days when I have spent hours holding space for others and have not had much space for myself, I try to pause and simply acknowledge that something is going on internally.
Sometimes I know exactly what I am feeling.
Other times, I do not.
Either way, naming it matters.
“I feel overwhelmed.”
“I feel exhausted.”
“I feel disconnected.”
There is something powerful about telling yourself the truth.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings
Many of us immediately try to fix our feelings.
We distract ourselves.
We scroll.
We stay busy.
But overwhelm often needs space before it can move through us.
Sometimes self-care looks like sitting quietly for ten minutes and allowing yourself to feel whatever is there without trying to change it.
No productivity.
No solution.
No fixing.
Just being human.
3. Let Yourself Cry
Tears are not weakness.
They are information.
They are release. And our bodies have a lot of reasons to release!
Some of the moments that have helped me the most weren’t moments where I found the “perfect” coping skill in the “perfect moment”. They were moments where I finally stopped fighting what I was feeling and allowed myself to cry.
Your body knows how to release stress.
Sometimes it simply needs your permission.
4. Spend Time With People Who Truly See You
Not everyone needs advice.
Sometimes we need a witness.
We need the friend who notices we are tired before we say a word.
The person who sits beside us without demanding explanations.
The people who make us feel safe enough to be fully ourselves.
When life feels overwhelming, I often find myself seeking the people who do not need me to perform, produce, or pretend.
They simply allow me to be. Now that, that is the key!
5. Stop Expecting Yourself to Be Perfect
This one might be the hardest.
Many women (and men) have learned that being valuable means being productive, helpful, organized, patient, successful, and emotionally available at all times.
That’s an impossible standard. We rarely give ourselves the space and time to be imperfect! To be honest, being imperfect is really being human. We rarely give ourselves space for that.
Perfectionism often disguises itself as responsibility.
But the truth is that perfectionism can keep us disconnected from our own needs.
Sometimes self-care looks like leaving the dishes in the sink.
Sometimes it looks like saying no.
Sometimes it looks like accepting that “good enough” is enough.
A Gentle Reminder
If you are overwhelmed right now, I want you to know this:
You do not need to earn rest. You rest because you want too.
You do not need to complete everything on your to-do list before caring for yourself. You take up space and time for what you have energy for because you feel like it.
And self-care does not have to be beautiful, aesthetic, or Instagram-worthy. You do not have to perform.
Sometimes self-care is simply telling yourself the truth, feeling your feelings, asking for support, and allowing yourself to be human.
And sometimes, that’s more than enough.
So, if you ever feel up to it, try it! Give yourself a chance to just be, without judgement or perfectionism. Remember you are beautiful just the way you are and how you are!
True self care is letting yourself be who you can be in that moment in time.
What Does a Dysregulated Nervous System Feel Like?
Have you ever experienced a dysregulated nervous system before?
As a woman. A Black woman. A partner. A daughter. A therapist. A human being carrying her own experiences, losses, stressors, and stories.
You bet I have.
And let me tell you—it hasn’t always looked pretty.
For a long time, I thought I was just stressed.
Maybe you’ve thought the same.
Have you ever felt so on edge that your body seemed ready to run even though you were sitting completely still? Have you ever woken up in a panic, heart racing before your feet even touched the floor? Do you find yourself constantly scanning the room, anticipating what could go wrong next?
Maybe your shoulders stay tight no matter how much you stretch them.
Maybe your thoughts won’t slow down when everything around you is finally quiet.
Maybe you’re exhausted but somehow can’t relax.
Talk about stress, right?
But sometimes what we call “stress” is actually a nervous system that has been working overtime for far too long.
So What Is a Dysregulated Nervous System?
Your nervous system is designed to keep you safe.
The problem is that it doesn’t always know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat.
When you’ve experienced chronic stress, trauma, burnout, emotional overwhelm, or years of carrying responsibilities for everyone else, your nervous system can start operating as though danger is always nearby.
Instead of moving through stress and returning to a place of balance, it gets stuck.
This is what many people mean when they talk about nervous system dysregulation.
And it can show up in ways that often surprise people.
We typically talk about four common nervous system responses:
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn
Let’s break them down a little further.
Fight: “I Need to Protect Myself”
This one is probably more common than people realize.
Fight isn’t just yelling or becoming physically aggressive.
Sometimes it looks like becoming highly defensive.
Sometimes it looks like irritation that seems bigger than the situation.
Sometimes it looks like snapping at the people you love, feeling constantly frustrated, or feeling as though you have to defend yourself even when nobody is attacking you.
As a school social worker, I’ve seen this response show up in so many teenagers.
Underneath the anger is often fear.
Underneath the attitude is often hurt.
The nervous system is essentially saying:
“If I fight first, maybe I won’t get hurt.”
When we’re living in fight mode, our bodies are preparing for battle even when there isn’t one.
Flight: “I Need to Keep Moving”
Flight doesn’t always mean physically running away.
In fact, some of the highest-achieving people I know live here.
Flight can look like:
Staying busy all the time
Overworking
Overcommitting
Constantly planning
Difficulty sitting still
Feeling guilty when resting
Always needing to be productive
If you’re anything like me, there have probably been seasons where your schedule was packed from sunrise to bedtime.
Not because you wanted it that way.
But because slowing down meant finally feeling everything you had been avoiding.
Flight says:
“If I keep moving, I don’t have to feel.”
The challenge is that eventually our bodies demand rest, whether we’re ready for it or not.
Freeze: “I Don’t Know What To Do”
Freeze is often misunderstood.
People sometimes think they’re lazy, unmotivated, or lacking discipline.
In reality, they may be experiencing a nervous system response.
Freeze can look like:
Procrastination
Brain fog
Feeling stuck
Difficulty making decisions
Wanting to do something but feeling unable to start
Shutting down emotionally
You know those moments when your to-do list is staring at you and you simply cannot begin?
Or when answering a text feels like climbing a mountain?
That’s often what freeze feels like.
Your body isn’t choosing not to move.
It’s protecting itself by conserving energy.
Freeze says:
“Maybe if I stay still, I’ll be safe.”
Fawn: “I Need Everyone Else To Be Okay”
This one doesn’t get talked about enough.
Fawn happens when we learn that our safety depends on keeping other people happy.
It can look like:
People pleasing
Difficulty saying no
Overexplaining yourself
Avoiding conflict
Constantly prioritizing everyone else’s needs
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
For many women, especially those who have spent years caring for others, this response can feel incredibly familiar.
You become so focused on maintaining peace that you forget to ask yourself what you need.
Fawn says:
“If everyone else is okay, maybe I’ll be okay too.”
The problem?
You eventually become disconnected from yourself.
The Goal Isn’t To Never Experience These Responses
Here’s the part I want people to understand.
Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are not bad.
Your nervous system developed these responses for a reason.
At some point, they likely helped you survive something difficult.
The goal isn’t to shame yourself for having them.
The goal is to notice them.
To become curious.
To ask:
“What is my nervous system trying to tell me right now?”
Because awareness creates choice.
And choice creates healing.
A Gentle Reminder
If you’ve recognized yourself somewhere in this blog, I want you to know something:
You’re not failing.
You’re not broken.
And you’re not “too much.”
Your nervous system may simply be carrying more than it was ever meant to carry alone.
Healing doesn’t happen because we force ourselves to push harder.
Healing often begins when we slow down long enough to listen.
And sometimes, that’s the bravest thing we can do.
✨ Take a moment today to check in with yourself. What response do you notice most often: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn? Your answer may tell you more about your nervous system than you realize.
Could Hormones Be Affecting Your Nervous System?
If you’ve noticed that anxiety, overwhelm, irritability, panic, or emotional sensitivity seem to follow a pattern throughout your cycle, hormones may be playing a role. Many women notice shifts in their stress response during the luteal phase, before menstruation, postpartum, or while navigating conditions such as PMDD or PCOS.
As a Hormonal Mental Health Therapist, I help women better understand the connection between their hormones, nervous system, and emotional well-being. Together, we explore how hormonal changes may be impacting mood, stress, anxiety, and daily functioning so you can move through life with greater awareness, self-compassion, and confidence.
Learn more about how hormones can affect anxiety before your period.
Why Anxiety May Feel Worse Before Your Period
You may notice that there are certain times throughout the month where everything suddenly feels heavier.
Small things that normally would not bother you feel overwhelming. Your mind starts racing more. You may cry easier, feel more irritable, become emotionally reactive, struggle to sleep, or feel like your nervous system is suddenly “on edge.”
And then your period comes… and things slowly begin to settle again.
If this sounds familiar, you are not imagining it.
Hormonal shifts throughout the menstrual cycle can affect emotional regulation, stress tolerance, sleep, energy levels, and anxiety symptoms more than many women realize.
For some women, this may look like increased emotional sensitivity before their period. For others, it may feel more intense and disruptive, especially for women navigating PMDD, chronic stress, burnout, trauma, postpartum changes, or hormonal conditions like PMOS.
Many women begin questioning themselves during this phase:
“Why am I suddenly feeling this way?”
“Why does everything feel harder right now?”
“Why do I feel like a different version of myself before my period?”
The emotional experience can feel frustrating, especially when it keeps happening month after month.
One of the biggest things I often encourage women to begin noticing is patterns.
Not from a place of judgment or “something is wrong with me,” but from a place of awareness.
Your body communicates.
Stress, sleep, hormones, nervous system overwhelm, emotional burnout, inflammation, and life experiences can all influence how your cycle shows up emotionally and physically.
For many women, anxiety before their period is not simply “in their head.” It can feel deeply physical too:
racing thoughts
tension in the body
difficulty relaxing
overstimulation
increased sensitivity
emotional exhaustion
feeling “wired but tired”
And when life stress is already high, these emotional shifts can sometimes feel even more intense.
Learning your emotional patterns throughout your cycle can help create more compassion, awareness, and support for yourself instead of constantly feeling blindsided by the changes.
Ways to Support Yourself During This Time
While everyone’s body is different, some women notice improvement when they begin slowing down and supporting their nervous system more intentionally throughout this phase of their cycle.
This can look like:
getting more rest instead of pushing through exhaustion
eating regularly throughout the day to support blood sugar and energy
reducing overstimulation when possible
gentle movement like stretching or walking
spending time outside or grounding in nature
journaling emotional patterns throughout the month
listening to calming music or engaging in creative outlets
reducing pressure and unrealistic expectations during harder days
creating more structure around sleep
practicing nervous system regulation and grounding skills
asking for support instead of carrying everything alone
Sometimes support also means recognizing when your symptoms are becoming difficult to manage on your own.
Therapy can help you better understand the connection between hormones, emotional health, stress, trauma, and nervous system regulation while creating healthier ways to support yourself throughout the month.
You deserve support that takes both your emotional and physical experiences seriously.
If you have struggled with this at all, feel free to reach out here & schedule a 15 minute free consultation.
How to Advocate for Yourself at the Doctor
A lot of women have asked me,
“How do I advocate for myself? They are the doctors. I’m not educated in the same way.”
And honestly, I understand that feeling.
Walking into medical spaces can feel intimidating, overwhelming, and sometimes even disempowering — especially when you’re already anxious, emotional, in pain, exhausted, or trying to explain symptoms you’ve been dealing with for a long time.
But one thing I like to ask myself is:
If you were the expert, how would you want your client to feel?
Would you want them to feel:
heard?
listened to?
supported?
collaboratively worked with?
safe asking questions?
Or would you want them to feel unheard, rushed, dismissed, and like they have no say about their own body?
Start there.
If you feel as though your doctor or medical team is not supporting you or collaboratively working with you, then it may be time to find another provider who is willing to hear you out.
As a mental health provider and an LCSW, my job is not to tell you what to do or who to be. My role is to help individualize treatment and support you in understanding yourself more deeply.
And while I am not a medical doctor and this is not medical advice, I can say that the providers I have personally worked best with are the ones who gave me time and space to support my body — not providers who dismissed me, projected biases, or made me feel small for asking questions.
Because yes, they may be the doctor…
But you are the one living in your body.
Listen to that.
Step By Step: How To Advocate For Yourself
1. Write Down Your Symptoms Ahead of Time
Appointments can feel rushed, and it’s easy to forget important details once you’re in the room.
Before your appointment, try writing down:
Your symptoms
When they started
What makes them worse or better
Cycle-related patterns
Mood changes
Sleep changes
Medications or supplements
Questions you want answered
The more specific you can be, the easier it is to communicate clearly.
For example, instead of:
“I feel off.”
You might say:
“I’ve been experiencing increased fatigue, anxiety, irregular cycles, and difficulty sleeping for the past six months.”
Specificity matters.
2. Ask Direct Questions
Sometimes we leave appointments without fully understanding what was said.
You are allowed to ask:
“What are you ruling out?”
“What labs would help us understand this better?”
“What are my treatment options?”
“What are the side effects?”
“At what point should I follow up?”
“Can you explain that differently?”
Asking questions does not make you disrespectful.
It makes you informed.
3. Pay Attention to How You Feel During the Appointment
Did you feel rushed?
Dismissed?
Confused?
Supported?
Heard?
Not every uncomfortable appointment is medical gaslighting, but your emotional experience still matters.
A provider may not always have immediate answers, but you should still feel respected, informed, and included in your care.
4. Remember That “Normal” Labs Don’t Always Mean You Feel Normal
One of the most frustrating experiences for many women is hearing:
“Everything looks normal.”
And yet they still feel exhausted, anxious, inflamed, disconnected, overwhelmed, or emotionally depleted.
Sometimes additional assessment, specialist support, therapy, stress management, nervous system regulation, sleep support, nutrition changes, hormonal evaluation, or tracking patterns over time may still be helpful.
Your experience matters even when answers are not immediate.
5. You Are Allowed to Get a Second Opinion
This is important.
You do not have to stay with a provider who repeatedly dismisses your concerns, minimizes your symptoms, or makes you afraid to ask questions.
A second opinion is not betrayal.
It is part of advocating for your health.
The Emotional Side of Advocacy
Advocating for yourself can feel emotionally draining — especially if you’ve spent years feeling unheard.
Sometimes women begin disconnecting from their bodies because they no longer trust what they’re feeling.
This is why emotional support matters too.
Therapy, nervous system regulation, stress management, emotional processing, cycle awareness, and supportive spaces can help you reconnect with yourself while navigating health concerns.
Because your health journey is not only physical.
It is emotional too.
My Final Thoughts
You do not need to become aggressive to advocate for yourself.
You do not need to know everything before asking questions.
You do not need permission to care about your body.
You are allowed to slow down, seek clarity, ask for support, and take your symptoms seriously.
Your voice belongs in the room too.
You are deserving of quality care, remember that!
My Story With PCOS (PMOS): Hormones, Mental Health & Women’s Health Advocacy
A therapist’s personal story living with PCOS/PMOS, hormonal mental health symptoms, fertility fears, and learning to support the body through stress management, hormone education, and self-advocacy.
At 12 years old, I started my menstrual cycle. My period would come and go unpredictably, and I often experienced significant pain from ovarian cysts rupturing. Alongside the physical symptoms, I struggled with anxiety, emotional overwhelm, and depressive symptoms that I didn’t fully understand at the time.
By the age of 14, I realized I was struggling with something that impacts many women: PCOS, now more recently referred to as Polyendocrine Metabolic Ovarian Syndrome (PMOS).
For years, I carried fear around what this diagnosis could mean for my future. I created stories in my mind about infertility and whether I would ever become pregnant one day. (Fourteen years later, I did become pregnant — but that is another story in itself.)
What I have learned over the years is that hormones are not isolated. The body functions as an interconnected system. When one area is struggling — whether due to inflammation, insulin resistance, chronic stress, nervous system dysregulation, or metabolic concerns — the entire body can begin communicating distress signals.
Living with PMOS has taught me that understanding hormones often requires a much deeper and more comprehensive approach than many women initially receive.
While lifestyle factors such as sleep, stress management, movement, nutrition, and understanding family history can play an important role in supporting hormonal health, it is not always as simple as “just exercise more” or “eat differently.” Hormonal conditions can be complex, layered, and deeply connected to both physical and emotional well-being.
One of the most difficult parts of navigating PMOS can be feeling unseen within healthcare systems that are often designed to treat symptoms individually rather than viewing the body as a whole system. Western medicine absolutely has its place — especially in emergencies, diagnostics, and medical intervention — but many women are still left searching for more comprehensive support, education, and understanding around hormonal health.
My own journey led me to explore multiple avenues of healing and education. From becoming a Functional Hormone Health Specialist, to studying fertility awareness methods (FAM), to advocating for hormonal mental health awareness, I began learning how deeply connected our hormones, nervous system, and emotional health truly are.
Genetically, I likely have a predisposition toward insulin resistance. However, I made the decision that this diagnosis would not define my entire life or future. Through a combination of support systems — including medical care, stress management, acupuncture, nervous system support, biofeedback, movement, and deeper self-understanding — I have learned how to better support my body instead of constantly fighting against it.
And honestly, I am still learning.
If you are navigating PMOS/PCOS, endometriosis, fertility concerns, hormonal mood changes, or the emotional impact of living with chronic hormonal symptoms, please know that you are not alone.
As both a therapist and someone personally diagnosed with PMOS, I understand how emotionally exhausting it can feel to advocate for yourself while also trying to function in everyday life.
Healing has not looked like perfection for me. It has looked like learning my body day by day, understanding ovulation through fertility awareness methods, consulting with supportive providers, regulating stress, and continuing to advocate for myself in spaces where women’s health deserves more care, research, and understanding.
There is support available.
And your body is not failing you.