A Year of Self-Care Through Women’s Life Stages
Self-Care Isn’t Just Bubble Baths: What It Actually Looks Like When You’re Overwhelmed
June Issue
As a therapist, I’ve learned a lot about self-care.
To be honest, sometimes I get a little annoyed when people say, “Just do some self-care and you’ll feel better.”
What does that even mean when you are overwhelmed?
What if your mind will not stop racing? What if your schedule is packed from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed? What if you’re caring for children, supporting a partner, showing up for friends, working, studying, and trying to keep everything together?
Sometimes self-care does not look like a bubble bath.
Sometimes it looks like surviving the day.
Over the years, I have learned that when I am overwhelmed, the most healing forms of self-care are often the simplest ones.
1. Acknowledge That You Are Overwhelmed
This sounds obvious, but many of us skip this step. Then we get upset because we want others to see us and we struggle to acknowledge what we need in the first place.
So, we keep pushing. We keep producing. We keep telling ourselves we are fine.
On days when I have spent hours holding space for others and have not had much space for myself, I try to pause and simply acknowledge that something is going on internally.
Sometimes I know exactly what I am feeling.
Other times, I do not.
Either way, naming it matters.
“I feel overwhelmed.”
“I feel exhausted.”
“I feel disconnected.”
There is something powerful about telling yourself the truth.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings
Many of us immediately try to fix our feelings.
We distract ourselves.
We scroll.
We stay busy.
But overwhelm often needs space before it can move through us.
Sometimes self-care looks like sitting quietly for ten minutes and allowing yourself to feel whatever is there without trying to change it.
No productivity.
No solution.
No fixing.
Just being human.
3. Let Yourself Cry
Tears are not weakness.
They are information.
They are release. And our bodies have a lot of reasons to release!
Some of the moments that have helped me the most weren’t moments where I found the “perfect” coping skill in the “perfect moment”. They were moments where I finally stopped fighting what I was feeling and allowed myself to cry.
Your body knows how to release stress.
Sometimes it simply needs your permission.
4. Spend Time With People Who Truly See You
Not everyone needs advice.
Sometimes we need a witness.
We need the friend who notices we are tired before we say a word.
The person who sits beside us without demanding explanations.
The people who make us feel safe enough to be fully ourselves.
When life feels overwhelming, I often find myself seeking the people who do not need me to perform, produce, or pretend.
They simply allow me to be. Now that, that is the key!
5. Stop Expecting Yourself to Be Perfect
This one might be the hardest.
Many women (and men) have learned that being valuable means being productive, helpful, organized, patient, successful, and emotionally available at all times.
That’s an impossible standard. We rarely give ourselves the space and time to be imperfect! To be honest, being imperfect is really being human. We rarely give ourselves space for that.
Perfectionism often disguises itself as responsibility.
But the truth is that perfectionism can keep us disconnected from our own needs.
Sometimes self-care looks like leaving the dishes in the sink.
Sometimes it looks like saying no.
Sometimes it looks like accepting that “good enough” is enough.
A Gentle Reminder
If you are overwhelmed right now, I want you to know this:
You do not need to earn rest. You rest because you want too.
You do not need to complete everything on your to-do list before caring for yourself. You take up space and time for what you have energy for because you feel like it.
And self-care does not have to be beautiful, aesthetic, or Instagram-worthy. You do not have to perform.
Sometimes self-care is simply telling yourself the truth, feeling your feelings, asking for support, and allowing yourself to be human.
And sometimes, that’s more than enough.
So, if you ever feel up to it, try it! Give yourself a chance to just be, without judgement or perfectionism. Remember you are beautiful just the way you are and how you are!
True self care is letting yourself be who you can be in that moment in time.
